on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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