So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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