Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
