I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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