So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
