He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
