Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
