Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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