I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
