I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm lost and stupid without you.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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