And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
