Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
