So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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