My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
