took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
