Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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