Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
