you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
