I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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