i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
