um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
