I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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