I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
