made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
