Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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