4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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