If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
