Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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