he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Randomize
