I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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