I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Randomize
