If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Randomize
