bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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