the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
