I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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