Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
