I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Randomize
