No stitches, just platelets and will power
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This is the high leading the old right now
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
