i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
