Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
