There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
