your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
