im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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