the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
