I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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