bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
