Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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