It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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