I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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