I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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