True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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