Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
