Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
