Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
