Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
