My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Even my vagina gasped.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
