I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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