so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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