Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
