guys are only as good as the porn they watch
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
