I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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