He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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