why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
