OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
