He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
