she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
