I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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