yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He better not be in your backpack
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
