Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
