please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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