I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
