My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
