my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
