ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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