im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
