Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
