The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
so much tequila, so little girl.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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