apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
