Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You're like the curious george of whores
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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