I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
